I Can’t Have Kids

Have you ever heard these words spoken to you? No? Then thank your lucky stars.

Because let me tell you, that even if you think you might not want to have kids, having the choice completely taken away from you is an entirely different matter.

I can’t have kids. I’m 33 years old and I can’t have kids. I was told I still had time, but it turns out I was already out of time.

My partner of 10 years already has two kids, so it’s not that big a deal to him. But to me?

Some moments it’s a relief. I no longer have that option hovering over my head, whether I want to have children or not.

And other times it’s a heartache. Because it was never my choice whether I wanted to have children or not.

I feel like I’m stuck in this weird yo-yo of emotions. I didn’t know if I wanted to be a mom but at least the option was there.

And now it’s not there.

If our purpose as human beings is to procreate, then what is my purpose?

 

 

One thought on “I Can’t Have Kids

  1. I don’t think anyone can truly understand what it feels like to have this choice taken away until the experience it first hand like yourself. My heart feels heavy reading your piece and I wouldn’t know what to say as I cannot make this experience any different for you. Sending you light and love.

    Liked by 1 person

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